spanning time.

This page was dedicated to how I'd fallen for a boy.
Keeping it up as an archive.
Edit: think I'm falling for another one. Oh well.

November 16th, 2020 ; [08:14]

I can't stop thinking about LM lol. I've listened to so many albums he's recommended to me ... I just finished Pink Floyd's entie discography after having only heard 'Dark Side of the Moon,' 'Wish You Were Here,' and 'the Wall' beforehand (my favorite is still 'the Piper at the Gates of Dawn' after having heard that a few weeks before the whole discog) and I even rewatched the Wall. I really love Syd Barrett as a person and his solo music as well as his small body of work with Pink Floyd and I never would've gotten into him if it weren't for this guy so I'm grateful for that. I also listened to three Donovan albums and relistened to 'Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band' (even tho I hate the Beatles) because the Beatles are his favorites ever. The Doors' self-titled has been one of my favorite albums for a few years now but I never listened to their second, 'Strange Days,' but since that's LM's favorite I did for him lol. He said my rating ( 8/10 ) was too low so I'll probably raise it on relisten today. He also said he would listen to 'American Don' by Don Caballero which is one of my favorite albums of all time so that would be really great and Im excited. Whenever I'm not feeling well I think about him and imagine us in some perfect reality doing acid together lol. That would be nice I think.

October 30th, 2020 ; [08:47]

never thought I'd write on this page again. Don't worry, I still dislike the gross misogynist ( lately he's been embracing 4chan memes a little too much ... made the entire server 'groyper'-themed among other things ), but I think I'm starting to like a new guy. Same kind of situation though, I think my brain is just bored and looking for a distraction so it's making me like this dude. I can't remember if I've mentioned him before as he's from the same server but I guess I'll call him LM. I listened to a bunch of music with him for like 3 hours yesterday on this website that lets you play and vote on songs with your friends, and I really enjoyed it! I don't get to talk about my lowkey love for classic rock often, and he's a massive fan of it. The Beatles are his absolute favorite band and everything he's recced me ( obv not them lol ) is actually so amazing. We exchange album recs sometimes and I really like talking to him about music. In terms of film taste he actually has good taste; he's not as pretentious as some of the other people in the server and though I haven't checked I think we have some opinions in common lol. I actually watched Borat with him and JG the other night ( plus Dracula (1992), one of my favorites ) and it was genuinely SO MUCH FUN... I laughed so hard and it was genuinely such a happy experience which I really needed, it brightened my mood a lot. Generally he gets hated on by his friends a lot, and he's kind of the running joke of the server, but he's an integral member and pretty important but I still feel kinda bad when he gets made fun of lol. He can be super aggressive to people as a joke ( though mostly the people who make fun of him, in retaliation lol ) and he can be annoying on twitter, but that's fine. He was actually the one who invited me to the server way back in March even though we had literally never spoken, and has generally always been nice to me, so I'm glad we started talking more. He's really nice and chill once you get to hang out with him alone and I didn't feel as uncomfortable as I would be with some other people in the server, surprisingly. He's canadian and he's 19, so a relationship obviously is out of the question lmao, but I think I'm okay with liking him for now. OH LMFAO he has the same birthday as fucking Robert de Niro. My literal favorite actor of all time and love of my life. Weird ass coincidence that I genuinely didn't notice until now.

August 22nd, 2020 ; [03:42]

I'm so completely over him. The fact that he's so openly misogynistic and says it's 'satire' but will publish a list calling a woman who was r*ped an aimless whore?????? He's so fucking gross. We're still on good tems though I think. JW was on call with him the other day and he asked what nonbinary meant. He also gave me another album rec. It was fun to have a distraction over summer but I'm glad I'm over him.

July 26th, 2020 ; [15:33]

ok he said he likes me too but he doesn't want a relationship with someone he can't see irl : (

July 26th, 2020 ; [06:53]


July 25th, 2020 ; [00:29]

he texted me after i left the chat ( cue 'teen romance' by lil peep ) but is it bad that i got more excited to see that in the context of his fucking robert de niro pfp popping up ,,,,, i know rob would never do me wrong lol i really love that man ( watching this video again made me feel so much better )

July 22nd, 2020 ; [18:39]

OMG LOL the discord I'm in has a VC quotes channel for out-of-context VC funnies and this dude LM posted "i'm aurea's boyfriend -@(MN)" and I was like HELLO??????????? PDKSKSJJSJS it might've totally been a joke made by him because he is known to be a bit of a troll around those parts But imagine if MN actually said that even as a joke... SHEESH!

July 15th, 2020 ; [16:41]

On today's episode of misinterpreting unrelated things as people being in love with me ... MN asked FJ to make his role color pink in the discord... and I'm the only person with a blue role ... ALEXA PLAY PINK AND BLUE BY HANNAH DIAMOND !!!! The fact that he's a hyperpop stan and has listened to Hannah Diamond before ... literally gonna pretend this is a purposeful reference to that song I don't care.

July 15th, 2020 ; [12:08]

Oh well so he never replied to the Lana text back lol. But he DID text me first because I was watching a movie he recommended me ( Point Break ), the thing is he hasn't responded to my response either ,,,,,,, why is this dude such a bad texter lmfao. Idk I'm thinking about just sucking it up and telling him I like him but I'm literally not sure yet and I don't wanna make things awkward with all out mutual friends ( especially since him liking me has been a meme for so long ). Siggggghhhhhhh crisis moment. I'll wait for like a week and if I still wanna do it I'll do it idk omg. Anyways I am listening to W*ezer and thinking of him

July 11th, 2020 ; [02:14]

omg ugh MN was listening to Venice Bitch by LDR ( literally one of my fav songs ever by her and in general ) so obviously I was like . holy shit this is great I can make him have taste! So I told him to listen to Ultraviolence ( this was in the discord music channel btw yes ik I should've DMd him I'm GETTING to that ) and ofc he didn't respond cause like... the fuck? okay. Anyways .. I DMd him like 40 mins ( idek ) after that disaster and said hiii how r u and he was like good hru so I was like ugh ok going nowhere and as I was texting IK ( absolute wingman KING he is saving my life omg ) out of nowhere this dude says "listening to venice bitch again ( hot n bothered emoji )" and I was like HELLO! this is a chance for a convo! so I bring up Ultraviolence again ofc because I was listening to it and it is amazing, but it just so happens mister discord himself went on call at that very moment ( rolls my eyes ). He still hasn't replied and it's been like an hour and a half, blegh. I just went to check again and text IK back and this dude was online but then went offline 10 seconds after without texting me back ( cries ). I don't have my status on on discord and idk if that's a good or bad thing in this scenario. But GOD this kid is truly driving me bonkers. ALSO I gave up on the manifestation thing within a day and a half. Simply nonsense.

July 7th, 2020 ; [06:29]

I know this sounds stupid but hear me outtt ... I started doing the 369 manifestation technique ( which is basically where you come up with a statement that summarizes your goal/s, write it thrice in the morning, 6 times in the afternoon, and 9 in the evening, and apparently it works ? ) to try and get Big Doofus Idiot to talk to me more !!! and idk if it's gonna work. I really effing hope so, cause writing '_______ _ will like me back and tell me his feelings" 18 times a day in my fucking notes app really doesn't sound too promising LMAO. OH I FORGOT TO SAY this fucking dude made 'spanning time' his discord status ( stop ik how pathetic this sounds LOL ) and though it's no mystery to me that he loves Buffalo '66 ( don't worry I watched it months before I met him, I'm above that. ) I just find it kinda cute that we both have that statement somehwere out online to represent ourself. It's a psychic connection, period. The manifestation is coursing through my veins. ( almost spelled that as 'veigns', fuck you roman reigns if youre seeing this )

June 25th, 2020 ; [11:25]

Siiiiiggghhhh... IK said it's cute that I like MN now especially since it all started out as a little joke about him liking me months ago. Him and JW said they supported it and hope something will happen, which gives me butterflies... what if he asks me out!!! There's a problem though. In going along with the whole joke in the MN server I may have kept mentioning him buying me letterboxd pro, and now I feel really bad about it. What if he starts ignoring me and doesn't do anything because he thinks I only wanna date him for money? Or worse, attention? I still don't even know if I like him or if I'm attracted to the thought of someone caring about me : ( I'd need to talk to him in my loving way to know for sure. I just want him to know that I really do care about him and love everything he does for me.

June 24th, 2020 ; [06:25]

I'm feeling so lovey dovey ... made a lovesong playlist. I just want to be loved and love someone and have someone to hold and to make smile and who's there for me and who I can care about and make sure is okay at all times and just ... aaaaggghhhh :,) I listened to one of MN's favorite albums (This is Happening by LCD Soundsystem) today and gosh the lyrics ...Hello hopeless romantic! I mean another of his favorites is Pinkerton and he's a libra sun/virgo moon so we already knew that LOL

June 22nd, 2020 ; [04:04]

Omg, today is Monday which means I have to voicechat with the boys and possibly MN ( cringe! ) I'm scared but I'm gonna play it cool. IK is probably gonna join with me (and maybe JG, too; I'm watching wrestling with him beforehand). I'm excited honestly. Gonna put on my best flirty personality (if I even have one) and win his heart. Gonna pull up all like Hiiiii ******* how's my favorite man ( puppy dog eyes ) WOW I forgot to mention he FINALLY followed my private instagram account today. Lord I followed him on there months ago after he randomly followed my main ( king of stalking love him ) and idk why it took him until now to follow my private. Especially since HW and this other guy WK ( who I barely talk to btw -_- ) requested it and ofc I had to accept. Sigh. I just hope he's swooning over my rarely posted selfies and memorizing my music highlights. < 3 ____ < 3

June 20th, 2020 ; [20:20]

Iiiiiiiii waaaaaant aaaaaaaaa booooooooyyyyfrrrriiiieeendddd!!!!!! Omg last night I was joking around and sent a message to the MN discord saying "can someone venmo me 9 dollars" bc I need 9 dollars to pay for a WWE network subscription LOL and ofc I didn't expect anyone to actually send any. But after a few hours of joking around about MN sending me money (lol -- I wish btw he literally seems so rich he has discord nitro and letterboxd pro like yes king please spend money on me I will MARRY you) this dude HW actually ended up sending me 4 fucking dollars ... I was like bitch WHAT???? I love men spending money on me god i owe this one guy like , 100 dollars or more in Red Bull from 2 years ago but I havent seen him in months so bitch idc my debts are paid in my mind! But anyways i literally see buying shit for people as such an expression of affection cause obvi thats what my dad has always done ... idk I want men to spend money on me and pamper me and treat me like their little treasure ... I am so LOVESTRUCK! I need a boyfriend.

June 19th, 2020 ; [02:31]

I just had a fun lil convo with JW of all people (crazy) about how I'm slowly starting to catch feelings for mister incel, because I may have implied that he does in fact have a chance to win my heart. I just need to find out if he's homophobic or racist or any big things like that bc if you know me you know that I do NOT tolerate bigotry in my friends or potential lovers! I checked his chart right when the whole liking me situation started (a wise bitch is always prepared) and he's a libra sun virgo moon which really explains why he's so open about liking me. Those two are pretty compatible with me but I need to know his rising... I'll get that birth time one way or another. Overall he has a LOT of virgo libra and scorpio in his chart but I'm scared because I always connect best with taurus/cancer/gemini-aligned people, and he doesn't seem to have any ... oops!

June 18th, 2020 ; [15:17]

I am so touch-starved. I just wanna be held by someone :( that one scene in Buffalo '66 where they go to shake hands and Layla just pulls Billy into an embrace... and they just stand there ... I need that. The last time I've been held by someone was ... god, I'd say maybe two years ago. I'm sad. Oh well.

June 18th, 2020 ; [00:12]

Ditched the 5am plan and texted MN randomly because I crave attention. He replied asking a question (which I answered in two separate texts because I'm a maniac) and he hasn't responded ( cringes ). He hasn't been active for a while, though, and it's only 10pm his time. Maybe he's watching a movie? Am I trying too hard? Sigh. I just want this to go somewhere, even just as friends. I think he's cool and I really appreciate that he thinks highly of me (I think). Oh well. I really hope he responds :/ In other news I got into a fight with JW because I was talking about how much I love Jean-Claude Van Damme, and he kept shit talking every little detail about him. That really pissed me off. He's so mean and I hope he gets hit by a car.

June 17th, 2020 ; [02:26]

Still on my phone, sigh, but what can you do. I'm having SUCH a crisis about this MN situtaion... I don't find him attractive whatsoever, and I've only spoken to him a handful of times so I don't really know anything about his personality. As for what we have in common, well ... we both like Weezer and Radiohead, which, in a man, honestly scares me LOL. Also, some of his favorite movies are Taxi Driver and Drive, which genuinely scare me for my life when I think about the possibility of rejecting him. He doesn't SEEM like an incel who would dox and kill me for rejecting him but you never know ... Anyways, I think my plan of action is to watch the movies he recommended me (as of now, that's the Last Days of Disco, Point Break, and Unfriended: Dark Web) and text him once in awhile. I think that the next time I'm awake late at night, not talking to anyone, and see that he's active ... I'm gonna text him. I want to get to know him better and for him to not think that I hate him. God, this is the first time someone has liked me since my ex, and that was in middle school. I can't fuck this up, but I don't wanna do anything that'll get me hurt again. At least I have IK and the other boys to keep me covered. They're protective of me, like brothers, and supportive too. I really don't deserve them :,)

go home.